Rev. Ted Haggard was like a "Golden Child" among evangelicals. This very
young-looking and young-acting 49 year-old... traditional family man (wife and 5
children), warm, personable, down-to-earth, charming, and gosh-darn likeable by
all... had risen to great heights in Christian circles.
From
humble beginnings in the basement of his home in Colorado Springs in 1985, he
founded an Independent Charismatic Mega-Church which today boasts a membership
exceeding 14,000. Finding favor among Christian leaders... including prominent
kingpins like James Dobson (Focus on the Family) and Pat Robertson (Christian
Broadcasting Network)... he was primed for big things. Shortly before his death,
the late Bill Bright (Campus Crusade for Christ) gave Haggard a relay runner's
gold baton... conferring on him the responsibility for "winning the current
generation of the world to Christ”. And in 2003, Haggard was elected president
of the prestigious and politically influential National Association of
Evangelicals. I think it would be fair to say the man was at the top of his
game.
But then... just a few short weeks ago... sending shockwaves through the
evangelical world... homosexual allegations were leveled against Haggard by
Michael Forest Jones, a 49 year-old former gay escort and body builder, who
claims to have had a 3-year sexual affair with the reverend.
At this point, Haggard has not publicly admitted he is "gay". Instead, he
describes a lifelong battle against "temptations" that are contrary to his
Biblical beliefs. He admits seeking assistance in a variety of ways, and while
he had stretches of "freedom", nothing proved effective in ridding him of his
homosexual desires.
In a letter of explanation to his church congregation upon his dismissal as
pastor, he wrote, "I am a liar and a deceiver. There is a part of my life
that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult
life." Haggard also told his church superiors there were "warning signs"
about his sexual desires early in his life.
Haggard's congregation was assured that "Pastor Ted" regards homosexuality not
as a predisposition, but a temptation to be fought.
Currently, Ted Haggard and his family are in hiding somewhere. He is scheduled
to undergo a thorough analysis of his mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical
life at the hands of Dr. James Dobson (clinical Christian psychologist and
right-winger extra-ordinaire), as well as Pastor Jack Hayford and Pastor Tommy
Barnett (2 conservative Charismatic/Pentecostal ministers). They are expected to
guide Haggard through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for his
life, marriage, and family.
Even though Ted Haggard's "shoes" are much bigger than mine, I've stood in them.
I never rose to any pinnacle of influence while living in gay denial and
suppression- attempts, but nevertheless, I so blinded myself with self-deception
I got married and had children... never thinking a great day of reckoning with
the truth would ever disrupt my life and bring hurt and disappointment to all
who thought they knew the "real" me. I was so self-deluded even I didn't know
the real me! How could anyone else!?
I can so relate to Haggard's admission to his church elders when he said,
"I
am not in touch with truth and reality." I lived much of my life in the same
way.
Haggard
was raised from the "get-go" in Christian fundamentalism in farm-town,
church-attending Indiana. My background in the evangelical church culture...
from day one... was much the same. In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, it is made
painfully clear that being gay is not only NOT OK, it ranks among the top most
horribly disgusting conditions known to mankind! Needless to say, under such
circumstances, you begin self-protecting survival tactics which include hiding,
suppressing, and denying the gay truth at an early age!
Many of us who have "done time" in the closet are damn good at keeping secrets.
Haggard was no exception. I find a bit of sick humor in the fact that he was
surrounded by so many so-called super-spiritual leaders of discernment and
people who make it their "righteous agenda" to fight, denounce, and oppress gays
on every occasion, and yet they didn't have a clue Haggard, their Golden Boy,
was harboring his own gay desires. And as the pastor of a 14,000 member church?
No doubt among them were HUNDREDS of hot-looking guys who must have jolted the
fantasies of Haggard's heart! Yet, no one knew.
Even the best-kept secrets eventually get exposed. The Christian Holy Book says
it plainly... "Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, or kept secret
that will not become known" (Matthew 10:26).
When my secret finally made itself clearly known, my marriage (which was never
what it should have been because I wasn't straight) ended... and my 2
early-twenty-something daughters adapted successfully. I distanced myself from
people who could not or would not truly accept me for who I was... and that
included the evangelical church I had always known. And I moved on.
It doesn't sound like it's going to be that straight-forward for Ted Haggard.
Instead of "the exposing" freeing him to be who he is, he is opting to submit
himself to the devices of some of the worst gay-oppressing leaders in the
Christian community!
Maybe he's not ready to submit to the truth yet. It often is a process for those
of us who were indoctrinated from birth with "holy gay hostility".
I don't care WHO tries to "free" Haggard (or anyone else) from his homosexual
orientation. It's not going to happen! Never truly has... never truly will.
Will Haggard "sell out" and claim to be freed from homosexuality in order to
regain the successes of his religious career? If he knows his evangelical
constituency as well as he should, he won't try this approach. No matter what
happens now, he will forever be tainted and held at a distance as the pastor who
had sex with a male escort. He will never be considered "clean" by this crowd
ever again.
Does he have the guts to stand up in the future and say, "All attempts to
heal my gay disposition.... even under the skillful guidance of the great and
mighty Dr. James Dobson (or whoever else, for that matter)... and the powerful prayers of America's most anointed
pastors... have failed"?
To some, such a declaration would confirm the truth that homosexuality is not a
disease that needs to be cured... or that the most powerful Lord and Savior
Jesus has no case against homosexuality. After all, if he did, he'd answer the
prayers of the anti-gay promoters, wouldn't he?
Yet, to others, a failure of fervent efforts to free Haggard would be viewed as
Haggard's own demonic, rebellious resistance to surrender to God's will.
Not wanting to hurt the "cause of Christianity", will Haggard's failure to be
delivered cause him to choose to just forever slip away into secular obscurity
somewhere rather than making the "Dobson's" of this world, and other evangelical anti-gay cheerleaders,
look powerless?
Or better yet, will Haggard finally accept who he is, bite the bullet, count his
losses, and engage all of his wonderful gifts and qualities to start a church
for all of the gay people who have been cut off and rejected from spiritual
communities just as HE has been? The tremendous outpouring of love and sympathy
being reported in the media from the gay community regarding Haggard's story is
proof we are ready to take him in. Yes, his public anti-gay statements in the
past have hurt us, but many of us understand what it's like to fight against the
things we don't want to accept about ourselves. Been there, done that.
As I said earlier, Haggard readily admits he is not yet in touch with truth and
reality at this critical juncture in his life. The real test of truth and
reality now faces him in the weeks and months to come.
We will be watching for the results with prayerful compassion for the difficult
decisions he will have to make. It's truly a "haggard" time to be Ted... and a
time to be truly Ted Haggard... whoever and whatever that may be.
I hope he finds true peace with himself and with God.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO EVANGELICAL TONY CAMPOLO'S AUDIO COMMENTARY ON TED HAGGARD
